By Rebekah Brett
My story begins much like many others: Christian family very active in the church. Dad was a Deacon and Mom was a teacher at our church’s private school. Picture perfect…until it wasn’t.
My parents divorced when I was nine. I have three older brothers who were 11, 18 and 21 at the time of the divorce. The younger brother and I moved with our mom from Jacksonville, FL back to South Georgia to live with my mom’s family, as she knew she needed the help and her family was the best place to go. Church life continued for us in Georgia as it was always such a vital part of our lives. I felt I had a firm understanding of Jesus and what it means to follow Him. I signed a purity pledge in middle school and was determined to live by that until marriage. Although I was the rare one in my friend group, I upheld that purity pledge until I got married at the tender age of 19 in 2001. Most of my friends were already married by the time I married my first husband. That was the norm where I grew up, marrying right out of high school. I married someone who was very active in the church, planned to go into ministry, and was well known and well-loved in our community and our church. Again, picture perfect, until it wasn’t.
The man he appeared to be at church was a far cry from the man I knew him to be behind closed doors. Even though I knew early on that maybe this marriage was a mistake, I was determined to make it work. I was told repeatedly by the pastor who married us that due to my coming from a broken home, I was putting my then husband at a higher risk of becoming a divorce statistic himself. Those words would haunt me for years as I continued turning a blind eye to the behaviors and abuse that no one else knew about, other than my best friend Michelle. During those years, I begged God for a child. I thought if I could just get pregnant, my ex-husband would finally deem me “worthy” of his fidelity, respect and love. We went through countless fertility tests and weeks of treatments, all to be told it was my body that was the problem. Yet another strike against me in his eyes. Still, I was determined not to allow him to become a divorce statistic because of me. My best friend, Michelle, the only one who knew the painful truth of my marriage, tragically and suddenly died in 2005. My world fell apart. A painful and downward spiral of anger and resentment began. But still, I pressed on with my marriage.
Eventually, he and I left Georgia to move to Lynchburg so he could attend LU. This was a final attempt at salvaging my marriage on my part because moving with him was the last thing I wanted to do. A few short months later, we separated and I was determined to move on with my life. He moved back to Georgia and I stayed in Lynchburg. Even though it would take over 2 years for our divorce to be final, I decided to live my life on my own terms since living for the Lord and living the way I was taught continued to let me down.
After a night of drinking with a casual acquaintance, I found myself pregnant. After years of infertility, I was pregnant. As someone who so desperately wanted a child, and someone who was always a staunch advocate for life, I found myself at Planned Parenthood, aborting my child. I was blinded by anger, resentment, confusion, shame and rebellion. A part of me recognized what I was doing, but the bigger part of me was numb to it all. I aborted my child and I hid it from my family for almost a decade. I continued to make self-sabotaging life choices to numb my sinful life.
It wasn’t until meeting my current husband that I was finally able to address the decision I made and come to terms with it within myself and with the Lord. He walked beside me and supported me every step of the way, even though that meant that he had to acknowledge the lifestyle I lived prior to meeting him. I rediscovered my love for Jesus, gave my life back to Him and was able to firmly grasp His forgiveness and redemption over my life. During all of this, I learned so much about myself, what led me to make the decisions I did and how to acknowledge certain triggers from my past. But most of all, I discovered that God still has a beautiful plan for my life and that I am still worthy to be called a daughter of our Most High King.
I am proud to say that I am 100% proof that God can turn the most wretched and broken soul back to Him.
Anyone can find themselves facing an unplanned pregnancy. No one is immune to the lies of the world or of the devil. Abortion can seem like the immediate “fix” to our problems, but in reality, it leaves behind a trail of brokenness, pain, regret and shame. But take heart!! There is good news!! Each one of us is still loved by our Father in Heaven. We are never too far gone for the grace, redemption and forgiveness that Jesus Christ offers. You, my friend, are worthy of a life of redemptive grace. You, my friend, are not alone. Abortion recovery is possible for you! You are worthy of breaking free from those chains of shame. I love the reminder found in Isaiah 43:1: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” God is saying to us that He has called us by name. He can redeem even the most shameful parts of our lives. He loves us with a love that is so pure, that even Satan himself cannot take it away.
If you have found yourself facing an unplanned pregnancy that ended in abortion, please know that healing is possible for you! No matter your circumstances, no matter your past, no matter what you believe about yourself, you can be set free! We would love to walk alongside of you and help you on your path to healing. Please reach out to us at the Blue Ridge Pregnancy Center and learn more about our post-abortive support group, Unhindered.
You are so loved by our Heavenly Father and He does not want you walking around in the shackles of shame and pain. You are worthy. You are prayed for. You are fearfully and wonderfully made!!
